Can we have a little straight talk this morning about
domestic violence and violence against women in general? Rob Porter, White
House staff secretary, is under fire after some very credible accusations of violence against two of his ex-wives has come to light, complete with supporting
photographs. How was anyone to know what went on in his past? General Kelly gave
a statement brushing aside the complete accusation and Orrin Hatch blasted the
nasty people and agencies that reported these obviously false accusations.
And of course, Porter himself, was highly critical of the
stories floating around. He didn’t completely deny it though. Then when the
word went out that these charges were, at least in part, the reason Porter had
not been able get a security clearance, there was some serious back pedaling.
Even though there are a lot of people who were unable to get security clearances
under this administration, I would have thought that those who are routinely
handed classified and top-secret information would have warranted a second look
at the reasons for this denial. Thank
God someone did look and yes, the FBI had questioned the ex-wives (they do that
you know. They question just about everyone who has been close to the subject
in his or her entire life, relatives, old girl friends and guy friends,
previous work mates, class mates) You get the idea.
This man would never have been able to serve under the Obama
administration with proof of wife battering in his jacket. Nor would he have
been able to serve under either of the Bushes or Cli…Oh who are we kidding. He
might not have served under Obama, but any or all of the past administrations, might
or might not have even registered the violence, IF it had even been
reported. The fact is that violence
against women has just not been taken all that seriously until recently.
The truth is we just might not have heard about it. If we
did hear about it, we might have allowed ourselves to be lulled by his excuses
or denials, because it would have been easier on us. Kelly moved from disavowal
to “He deserved the benefit of the doubt” before reaching the more appropriate,
shock and condemnation of Porter’s actions. I’m pretty sure that General Kelly
has run into spousal abuse a few times in his military career. It is rampant in
the military.
The military has very strict rules regarding what one can
and cannot do to/with a spouse. A commanding officer is required to take certain
action when abuse is reported. When abuse is reported, not suspected and not
even if it is general knowledge, but when it is reported. The thing is, reported
abuse in the military can be career challenging, so it is often not reported to
the commanding officer.
You’ve heard about the Catholic priests, the Mormon elders and
other conservative clergy who routinely tell the women who come to them for
help in these cases, to go home. Divorce is not an option. Go home and try not
to make him angry again, try to cope, don’t rock the boat, implying that if
they are better wives, their husbands won’t be driven to beat them.
We’ve been fighting this for decades and just in the past
few years, have we been making a bit of headway. The current movement against
sexual harassment is one of the outcomes of this on-going fight and for the
first time, I think we have a chance of moving the line a bit. But we also have
a challenge.
We have a challenge because a man sits as the head of our
country who has countless accusations of inappropriate behavior toward women,
ranging from unwanted kisses all the way to forcible rape of a minor and
including physical and emotional violence toward his wives. This seems to
normalize the problem.
We have a challenge because both Kelly and Hatch have a hard
time believing that someone who hasn’t punched either of them has punched his
bride. We have a challenge because these men and many more are lusting for the “good
old days” when “women were sacred”, which translates to “women were
controllable”. We have a challenge because many women still depend on the
generosity of a man for their well being and the well being of their children.
We still have challenges but we are closer to the equalityDo we need to put those
challenges behind us. Our biggest challenge right now is to NOT start slipping
backward, to not allow our hard-won victories to be lost. We need equal pay for
equal work. We need healthcare and childcare, not above the needs of men, but
equal to.
We need a level playing field and I think we are close to
having it. Don’t give up. Speak Up. Don’t stand for bad treatment. Stand UP. Be
counted. Be the resistance to the unfairness.
